“New Year, New You” is an ongoing blog series focused on on getting your mind, body and spirit ready for dating in 2013. The series will feature posts by Dr. Helen Fisher, biological anthropologist and scientific advisor for Chemistry.com, Bela Gandhi, Dating Coach and President of Smart Dating Academy, and Amanda Ebner, M.A.; M.Ed.; and personal trainer for FitOrbit.com, an online personal training resource.

This time of year when bouquets of roses and boxes of sweets are advertised left and right, instead of wallowing or doubting yourself, I challenge you to instead take a step back and reevaluate the positives of being single. I, for one, would know. Just a bit of background, first. I have been single most of my life, by choice. Writing books has got to be the most time-consuming job on earth, at least the kind of books I write. And as I didn’t seem to ever have the urge to have children, and felt that the world was full of children and it didn’t need my children, I thought my time would be better spent pursuing an understanding of human nature. So I have chosen to read and write for a living and live with my partners, rather than marry. In short, these days single doesn’t necessarily mean “alone.” But I certainly have had periods of being without a live-in partner. And the three best things about these interludes have been very simple.

First, getting up and going straight out into Central Park to take my morning jog, often in the dark. The park is a wonderland in the early morning, with the mist, the robins in the spring, sometimes I even see a raccoon. Second, making my evening plans without consulting someone. Third, enjoying my evening without worrying about getting home “on time.” But I also like working late without feeling guilty, eating dinner exactly when I wish, and taking off to do exactly what I want, with whom I want, when I want. In hunting and gathering societies, a husband and wife do not see one another all the time. One or the other often visits relatives or friends for days or even weeks. Our modern focus on being a couple and doing “couple things” is new. I like this focus, but there is something thrilling about varying the pace of life. And when I am truly single, I step to quite a different tune.

I encourage you too to come up with your 3 best things about being single, just like I did.  Be confident and sing that tune right through February!

10 responses to “New Year, New You: Mind- Embracing Singlehood by Dr. Helen Fisher”

  1. Joel Bader says:

    1. Watching and photographing the weather.
    2. Going skiing
    3. Listing to my favorite music

  2. timeiznow says:

    1. Independence
    2. Solitude as I pound at the computer in wee hours of morning working on business and writing my books.
    3. Get up and go to bed on my schedule. No boss at home or work. lol

    Totally Inappropriate but Dr. Fisher looks like an angel. 🙂

  3. Anonymous says:

    I finally learned to enjoy and value singlehood. Among the many reasons:
    1. Awakening and sleeping according to my own whims
    2. Eating what I want, when I want
    3. Learning about my own self, that I can do much more than just survive alone, but can grow and thrive
    I wish I’d learned how strong I am years ago – I needed to embrace myself, understand myself, and appreciate the company of just myself – all of which enables me to be a better partner for another now. The downside of all this awareness is that I now know which types of guys are not for me, greatly reducing the pool of possible matches!

  4. Dan Keane says:

    Wow, very close to home.
    1 Was able to go to school.
    2 Persuit of Anthroplogy and Archaeolgy
    3 No kids

  5. Dan Keane says:

    Wow, close to home.
    1 School
    2 Career in Anthroplogy/ Archaeology
    3 No kids

  6. Anonymous says:

    First of all I would like to thank for sharing with us these wonderful comments and at the same
    time encorage us to wrie about the singlehood advantages. We can all write about them and compare and learn from each other.

    To me one of the first advantage of enjoying and value singkehood is :
    1. Independence of doing what I enjoy the most which is writing/listening to music/going dancing/
    eating what I want when I want…..
    2. Spending time with my daughter the way we like the most (going to art galleries/museums/ visiting
    NY our favored place)
    3. Traveling!

  7. Anonymous says:

    This is a very interesting exercise in understanding and excepting self.
    1) Being at peace knowing my happiness is all on me.
    2) Having time to explore my creative side.
    3) The feeling of knowing if I choose to do something, it is clearly what I want to do, how I want to do it, and when I want to do it.

  8. Shegena Lemi says:

    very interesting life history but now you have to marry as possible as you can

  9. Perry Jurancich says:

    While I totally get ‘singlehood’ and enjoying the freedom of time, choices, and focusing on self, there’s something to be said about truly joining with someone as a partner in life. To someone who enjoys sharing life, being home on time is not a big deal or a problem. Making choices with someone also has it’s pluses; trying new things, helping others, and getting gratification from ‘outside’ oneself…..I enjoy everything you said about being single. I am going through a time where I need to focus to accomplish some things. But, if I had a supportive partner, it would make that achievement that much better. I hope to share it with someone soon.

  10. Anonymous says:

    What a bright and happy statement – in so many ways!
    The words are a fundamental affirmation of freedom, a freedom that begets dignity, as they simultaneously celebrate the life force, single or otherwise.

    Not only do the philosophies stated belong to a self-sufficient, self-confident single person, like Dr. Fisher, but also to a married man like me. My wife and I eat dinner when we wish, separately or together, we work independently of each other at all hours. We live under the same roof, but it is not necessary to sleep in the same room, or the same floor. Though we are each a serial monogamist, it is the freedom to be who we are that connects our dots without guilt, and each of us in turn fosters strong friendships with the other gender. Whether or not we are aberrant remnants from the traditional hunting and gathering societies that Dr. Fisher references, freedom is, in its first blush, an individual experience – indeed a thrilling tune – I suggest giving four minutes to Sting and the Police “If You Love Somebody Set Them Free”, and do a little dance – single or otherwise!

    Peter Mc

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